Dear Eme: Why Won’t my Boyfriend have Sex with me?

Dear Cassandra,

I have been dating my boyfriend for eight months and we haven’t been intimate yet. I’ve asked him a few times why he doesn’t want to take this important next step in our relationship. In the beginning, he told me that his last relationship ended badly because he immediately started having sex early on. I respected his wishes and didn’t bring it up for a couple of months. Now that we are almost entering our one year mark, I am feeling frustrated, confused, undesired and most of all hurt.

Ver más: Dear Eme: Does My Boyfriend Love Me?

—Ana

 

Dear Ana,

First and foremost, IT’S NOT YOU. This is definitely all about him and it involves some deeper underlying issue that you’re most likely unaware of.

He’s not communicating. He’s making you feel bad about yourself and he’s making a major relationship decision that should involve you both all on his own.

He told you he wanted to wait. You’ve been dating him for eight months. His lack of sexual desire does not have anything to do with you. It’s not because you’re not attractive enough. I’m sure you are. And this is his problem.

He might be a nice guy whom you have everything in common with, but truth is, you’re with the wrong guy for you. Your boyfriend needs therapy. There’s clearly something deep-seated that’s causing this problem. I can’t begin to speculate about what that may be. But it’s unfair and dishonest of him to know himself and not tell you when you’re feeling insecure. He’s not taking responsibility for himself — and that’s manipulative.

You’re worthy of love, affection, desire and respect. Believe me, that person is out there.

—C

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