As an independent Latina, I often find myself conflicted on how relationships between men and women should be.
Most young Latina women have mothers and grandmothers that tell them that in a relationship the woman is more important or of more value than the man. On the other hand, they also tell them to understand and respect their partner and sometimes even accept their male nature if they cheat.
Then there are social norms—the ones that advise women to let the man be a man and let him pay on the first date. The majority of these rules are male-centric and do not speak for how a woman really wishes she could be in a relationship.
I like to think of myself as an independent, strong, modern woman. I work hard, study hard, and have set big career goals for myself that I plan on achieving no matter what. But sometimes, I feel that men feel threatened by a powerful or strong partner.
Here are some annoying things my independent friends and I have been told by men and how we usually respond.
“I’ll pay. I’m the guy.”
My answer to this: “I’m a woman and it is the 21st century… I hope you know that!”
“Why are you so stubborn?”
I absolutely hate when I’m told this. Whenever we have a strong opinion, we’re simply stubborn. No guys, we’re just very passionate about some things. Deal with it.
“You’re too independent for me…”
In my mind I’m just like: “Ummm… I think what you’re trying to say is that YOU are too dependent for me.”
“You’re too complicated.”
My sarcastic yet honest response: “Excuse me! What exactly are you trying to say? That I am not always going to agree with you just because you think you’re the alpha male. Congratulations, you discovered female logic!”
“You don’t know how to cook?!?!”
“Why do you sound so surprised, do I look like Julia Child or Martha Stewart?”
“Women should learn from us!”
Unfortunately, I have been told this and it did nothing but make me laugh hysterically. “Are you serious? Do you have a Ph.D. in Education? That’s what I thought.”
“I’m doing you a favor.”
I have nothing to say to this. I would just get up and leave.
“You shouldn’t say bad words, you’re so pretty, it looks bad.”
My super sarcastic and annoyed response: “Well thank you for saying I’m pretty but that doesn’t mean I can’t express myself using whatever language I want. Idiot!”
“Don’t bite off more than you can chew.”
To myself: “I only bite and chew my food, in a very educated matter. So, no, I don’t bite off more that I can chew.”
“You’re such a bitch.”
Madonna had the perfect response to being called a bitch: “I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.”